This is the outtake that was written for Edward and Bella's first time in his room in Chapter 14 from his POV.
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I laid in bed, running over the events of the last week in my mind and unable to sleep. Since that night in this room, where Bella had openly bore her soul to me, trusting me implicitly; I had done everything I could to hold true and be anything she needed me to be. As I swore to myself that night I would.
The things she told me broke my heart. I knew her mom had died when she was little, but had no idea it had been self inflicted, or the circumstances involved. Just the thought of a 5 year old Bella trying to wake up her dead mom, was enough to bring tears to my eyes. She had endured so much in her life. It made me feel selfish and petty for whining whenever we had moved growing up. My dad Major Carlisle Cullen was a doctor in the United States Army. Each time my dad received orders, we had to pack up and move, leaving behind friends and schools, sports teams and girlfriends. I was so proud of my dad, and hoped to someday become a man that would make
him proud. And as hard as moving around had been, it didn’t even compare to the loss Bella had suffered. At least I had my family with me. She was left with no mom, a broken father and an unending guilt that she would never be enough for anyone. The more I learned about Bella, the more I understood the walls she had built around her. She was the funniest, sweetest, most loving person I’d ever met. But she also had a temper that could rival any drill sergeant out there. The funny thing was, her temper,
her fire, was one of the things I loved about her the most. It was why I always called her Firecracker.
And I hated to admit it, even if only to myself; that morning in the shower had only been the beginning for me. The release I had felt as I came was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was like your birthday and Christmas all rolled into one, and even justified its own name in my book. Bellagasm.
Monday morning, as I talked to her on the phone, teasing her about being in a towel, once again my teenage boy tendencies kicked in. Just imagining her standing there in the shower, walking around the bedroom, and then talking to me on the phone wearing nothing but that damn lucky towel, had brought on a raging hard on. After I had gotten off the phone with her, I had to pull over and take matters into my own hands before I got to school. There was no way I could sit there all day with blue balls. So that was Bellagasm number two.
And then so help me, when she came to surprise me and pick me up from school, she looked so beautiful. It never ceased to amaze me; the all natural beauty of this girl in jeans and a t-shirt, her long hair casually tied back in a ponytail. She had always been beautiful to me, but over the summer she had changed. Her hair had red highlights from the sun; her body was curvier, hell even her eyes sparkled more. But I was determined to keep myself under control and enjoy the time we had together. Since returning from Alaska, I had missed out on spending so much time with her, it seemed she was always with James. The leech, the parasite. He made my skin crawl and I couldn’t understand what a beautiful and intelligent girl like Bella saw in him. But above anything else, I wanted her to be happy. Even still, if it hadn’t been for Rose over the last couple of weeks, I probably would have lost my mind and done something stupid like pounded his face in. She had become such a good friend to me, even though we didn’t openly display it in front of others; and I was very grateful my brother had found her. I had confided to Rose one night my feelings for Bella. And like Rose usually did, she kept it short and to the point. “Don’t be a jackass. Tell her.”
I told her of my fears that Bella didn’t return my feelings, that she would always see me as just a friend. But my biggest worry, the thing that stood at the forefront of my mind, was my plans for the future. It had always been my plan to escape the minute I had my diploma in my hand. I wanted out of this small town. My father and I had spoken at great lengths of my desire to follow in his footsteps. I’d gone so far as to have my mandatory physical a few weeks before. My mother and everyone else for that matter, were still in the dark about the seriousness of my efforts. My mother in particular. Any mention of my joining the Army set my mom into a panic. It was a subject only discussed in my fathers study. I knew he was only trying to protect her, but I worried about her reaction when I finally set my plans in action. Rose thought I was underestimating Bella and her feelings and that I should stop flashing my vagina and man up and tell her. I knew she was right. And every day I came closer. Each time I was with her, it got harder and harder not to say those words and act on the raging lust that seemed to be a constant companion.
Sitting in the diner that afternoon with her just talking so casually made me feel that maybe everything didn’t have to be so hard. She talked to me openly about the sex talk with Charlie, we were teasing and playful, we were just Edward and Bella again. Until he showed up.
As soon as he tried to touch her right in front of me, I felt my entire body light on fire, tense with rage. I had no idea what was going on between them, but she obviously didn’t want him near her, and I certainly didn’t either. Practically forcing himself on her right across the table from me and I snapped, shooting up and shoving him away from her. He could threaten her for all it’s worth; I will kill him if he ever touched her again.
Afterwards, when she told me that she had broken up with him the day before, I had a difficult time containing my elation. I felt like I might still have a chance with her at some point, but I wasn’t going to spring it on her the moment one relationship ends. She’s no Scarlett O’Hara, and I’m certainly no Rhett Butler trying to catch her between husbands. And I intended on doing nothing more than enjoying an afternoon with her.
That was until she started eating that ice cream. At first it was not so difficult to control. But as she continued to lick the spoon, and her lips; my body soon began betraying me. And it wasn’t too long before I “suddenly remembered” a calculus test I had to study for, because the images weren’t leaving my mind and it was becoming painful. Really,
really painful.
Bellagasm number 3.
And it kept going on like that all week. Little things, every single day. Today it had been the shirt she wore to school; I loved her in dark blue. And the way it hugged her curves delicately… I had left school early. And 11 and 12 joined the group, an even dozen to round off the week. This really was getting sick.
So here I lay, an hour after another shower adventure I was sure had left me so spent that I would have no difficulty falling asleep; and I was still staring at the ceiling thinking about her. Part of me so badly wanted to drive over to Alice’s and talk to her, convince her of my feelings for her and find a way to make it work when I left. It would be so much easier if we were the same age, I could just take her with me. But after everything I’d learned about her family, I don’t think I could ever in good conscience take her away from her father.
I heard a noise outside my window, thinking it was just the wind, shaking the ladder against the house, I shrugged it off. But then a presence entered the room that was so tangible, it could not be ignored. I caught her scent coming in the open window with the breeze. I turned my head and there she was, standing beside the glass with the moonlight illuminating her pale white skin. At first, I thought something must have happened. That she’d had another nightmare about her mom or an argument with Rose at Alice’s. I knew they didn’t always get along. And I relaxed when it was simply that she couldn’t sleep.
As if I needed any more reason to adore Bella, she climbed into bed with me and snuggled close against my side; questioning what I had said at the diner. She was by far one of the most beautiful things in the world to me, and what made her even more beautiful was that she didn’t seem to know it.
But what I wasn’t expecting was her to kiss me like this. Her hand was in my hair and her soft lips pressed firmly against mine. I froze. What was she doing? Did she want this? Did she return my feelings? Where was this coming from? Seconds passed and I realized I hadn’t moved. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of her wash over me. I kissed her back gently, showing her that I wanted her. But I needed to do more than just show her. I pulled my head back and looked into her eyes. I could tell that she was upset. Raising my hand to lightly cup her cheek I asked if she was alright.
She nodded slowly, never looking away from me. “I’m fine, Edward,” she whispered. I rubbed my thumb slowly across her face, looking for any sign she was hiding something. But as I looked in her eyes, I was faced with a determination I’d never seen from her before. “I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t think of anywhere I would rather be than here with you. This is
exactly where I want to be right now.”
It was time. I knew it. That single thought rang loudly in my head. I had to let her know. But I knew words and kisses weren’t going to be enough to show her. I had to show her something else, something that might tell her without a doubt how I felt about her, before she could even think of comprehending the words. The scars on her heart were too deep to believe three simple words as meaning much of anything.
I took her hands and brought her over to the keyboard. I had stopped covering it lately. I had been playing it so much since Saturday that there was no use trying to hide it any more. Hell, I didn’t want to hide it anymore. I found it adorable that she was worried about disturbing my family, but she needed to hear this. I always expressed myself better through music than I did with words. And I played her song for her; the one I had begun to write the night she heard me play.
Only this time, she got to hear it in its entirety, as I had just finished it tonight… right before needing my shower. She was silent the entire time, and as the melody came to an end I was suddenly nervous of her reaction. She quelled my fears quickly as I felt her arm come around mine, grasped my hand. “That was so beautiful, Edward. I can’t believe you finally finished it. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I kept my eyes on our entwined hands, gently caressing her hand with my thumb. “I finished it tonight,” I told her gently and squeezed her hand, enjoying the feel of the soft skin of her palm against mine. And then I finally braved up to meet her eyes where the real reaction would be plain as day. I turned my body to face her; her gaze was soft and full of wonderment. So I continued my explanation to get to the heart of what I was truly trying to say; to make her understand. “For months, I just couldn’t bring myself to work on it. Then I came back from Alaska with every intention on finishing it. But I couldn’t. My inspiration was gone.”
She looked at me with a hint of confusion, but her eyes never left mine. They seemed to be searching inside me as much as I was searching inside her. “Your inspiration?”
Here we go, time to lay it on the line, I thought as I nodded and took a deep breath. But for once, I couldn’t look in her eyes as I spoke. Bearing my soul was no easier for me than it was for her. Not that I had many reasons why, but I had just never been
this close or shared
this much with anyone. “That song… is your song. I was writing it for you. And I’ve missed you so much over the last month that I just couldn’t listen to it, let alone add to it. And it left my head anyway; until last Saturday. I laid there for hours just watching you sleep. And it started playing in my head again,” I began explaining to her, and as I looked up into her eyes again there was so much emotion hidden in those brown depths it was overwhelming. She had to have realized at least
some of my feelings, didn’t she? “
You are my inspiration, Bella.”
I watched her thoughts racing behind her eyes again, and for several long moments, I had no idea how she was going to react to this. And she remained silent even as her hand came up to my cheek and I felt her thumb grazing over the light stubble on my face.
But as her face began to move toward mine again, I knew I had to pull away. I needed to tell her everything. Why I’ve acted the way I have, the real reason behind my trip to Alaska this summer, the realizations I made there, and of course, the reason behind this song. “Bella, there’s something you should know…”
But she silenced me with her fingertips and shook her head. “No words… please.”
But the whispered words didn’t sound sad; as I had almost expected them to with the way her eyes remained downcast at her fingertips. And before I could fully process what was happening her lips met mine again, brushing them gently over and over as she straddled my lap. She pressed herself against me, securing her hold around my shoulders. And from the heat I could feel radiating from between her legs onto me, there was no doubt in my mind that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. She pulled away from me slightly to look into my eyes. I knew she would be nervous, and like myself, probably concerned about the effect something like this would have on us. But I loved her; how could this have a
bad effect on us. It could only be a step closer for us. All she needed was assurance that she wasn’t just any girl to me. This was my Bella, my Firecracker.
I slid my hands up her thighs, gripping her ass and pulling her against me. I could not suppress the moan that emitted from me at feeling her so intimately against me; my cock pressed firmly against her as I kissed her passionately. As we both seemed to melt into it, I slid my hands up her back and underneath her shirt, and I throbbed achingly against her when I felt that she was not wearing a bra. I felt the vibration from my deep groan rumble through my skin; she was beautiful, smart, and also, so damn sexy without even trying. I needed to touch her, to feel her skin pressed against mine. Otherwise, I would have never left her lips. She didn’t fight me at all when I lifted her shirt off her body, and to her credit, she didn’t try to shield herself after either. Her beautiful soft curls grazed against her breasts, and I studied her without ogling her. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel self conscious around me. But I had dreamed of being with her and seeing her in this way for so long; of feeling the closeness and connection of this moment.
I cupped the cheek of this exotic goddess before me; I needed her more than I had ever needed anything. “God, baby,” I whispered just before my lips met hers passionately, and as it deepened I lifted her up and her legs wrapped around me without ever breaking the kiss.
When I laid her down on the bed beneath me and felt her stiffen as I settled between her legs, the reality of the situation gave me the first abrupt slap. She was so innocent and pure, never having known the touch of a man in this way. She had told me that she had ‘tried things’ with James, but never this. Even when she seemed to relax and pulled me closer, I knew I had to stop this and make sure this was what she wanted. That I was truly what she wanted. And that she knew this wasn’t just sex for me, that I loved her to the very core of my being. And I had never wanted a girl in the way that I wanted her since the day she walked into my life.
But when I pulled away, I knew the scared little girl was going to make an appearance. And when I saw her bite her lip, I saw that I was right. “What? Is something wrong? Something I did?”
It pained me to hear the insecurity in her voice; as if I would ever reject her. When all I wanted to do was tell her that I loved her, that I didn’t want to be without her anymore. That she was my everything; that I’d do anything for her, and anything to be hers. I gently stroked her cheek with my fingers, and placed a gentle kiss on each side of her face; showing her how precious and delicate she was to me. “You didn’t do a single thing wrong, Bella. I just…I need…” I started, but couldn’t find the right words to tell her everything I was thinking and feeling in that moment. I never wanted her to have a single regret with me, whether it was sexual or not. But the way her body felt pressed against mine, like it was made for me, felt better than I ever imagined. And God knows I had spent plenty of time doing that lately. But how to tell her? I realized I had been silent to long, took a deep breath and whispered “I just never thought I would be touching you this way.”
She smiled ever so slightly and raised her face to mine, brushing her lips gently to mine and rested back down with her hair cascading across my pillow. Her finger began tracing over my lip slowly, and it was the most amazing feeling. And her voice was so faint as she whispered her response. “You don’t know how long I have wanted you to. I’ve never wanted anyone else to touch me this way.”
The rush those words sent through me was pure anguish, as I brushed my lips against hers in an almost hesitant manner. Her words brought forth how much I wanted her and needed her, but not wanting to hurt her at the same time. If she wasn’t going to let me
tell her how I felt about her, I would show her. In every kiss and every touch. I kept my lips resting against hers and swallowed hard; I had never been so nervous about this with any girl, even my first time with Tanya. “Are you sure, Bella?”
She nodded and with such certainty and desire in her eyes, I found I didn’t doubt her. “Yes, I’m sure. No more words,” she whispered as light as a feather floating on a night breeze. Her fingertips grazed my cheek as her lips touched mine gently. “Make love to me, Edward.”
Make love to me. No more words
needed to be said. Her words sent a shock wave through me, and all the questions and doubts fell away. My hands moved down her side as I leaned in to kiss her. Our bodies were now flush and I pressed myself harder to her. I felt her shiver as her hands moved into my hair. God I loved it when she did that. She tugged lightly, trying to pull me closer and I was shocked at how good it felt. As our kiss deepened, and as our tongues met, we each moaned into the other’s mouth. I reluctantly pulled away to taste the beautiful skin of her neck. She lifted her hips off the bed and pressed herself harder into my cock. I groaned at the feeling. I was wearing pajama pants and nothing else, and the feeling of her heat against me only proved without a doubt her desire for me, and solidified my decision that this is what she wanted.
I began making my way down her body. Laying soft, wet open mouth kisses across her collar bone and down to her breasts.
God her breasts. They had played a part in every fantasy I had had since the day I laid eyes on her. And seeing them now, bare before me, my imagination didn’t do them justice. I ran my tongue around her nipple and blew my breath across it before taking in into my mouth. I could feel her heart beat pounding against my bare chest, and her breathing was becoming heavier. She was restless and moving against me now. I moved down to her stomach, running my lips along the waist of her jeans, and quickly undid the button.
Bella whimpered as I lowered the zipper. I looked up and our eyes locked as I ran my hands slowly up the front of her thighs, around her waist and back to her bottom. I lifted her hips and tugged on her jeans, pulling them down slowly, my hands caressing every inch of her legs as I went. I stood, casting her jeans to the floor and pulled Bella to kneel on the bed in front of me. Her skin was softer than I ever imagined. I ran my fingertips lightly up her arms, across her shoulders until her face lay cupped in between my hands. “You’re so beautiful, baby,” I whispered, and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I only hoped that she believed me. I wanted to make her feel worshipped and adored. Bella’s arms reached out to wrap around me, and our kiss became more passionate.
Her hands were slowly moving up and down my back, caressing my bare skin; lingering over each muscle. I had never had anyone make me feel so wanted. When she slid her hands around to my chest and ran her fingertips down my abdomen, I thought I might cum right there. I sucked in a breath as I felt her tug on the drawstrings of my pants. Painstakingly slow, she loosened it enough for them to slide off my hips and land on the floor. I was naked now, and the realization did not go unnoticed. I saw her glance down appreciatively at my body, and a small smile tugged at her lips. She wasn’t the only one. She was a vision kneeling before me in nothing but her tiny panties. She looked up at me, her lower lip between her teeth, and I felt desire overtake me. I pulled her to me in a passionate kiss, our tongues sliding against each other, my hands fisted in her silky hair. I felt my naked erection press against her and moaned. Bella broke the kiss and leaned her head back. I devoured her neck and slid my hands down to the waist of her panties. I was so consumed with passion for this woman I barely registered removing them before I had her on the bed.
I sat at her feet, her legs slightly open, her knees bent. I couldn’t believe she was here like this. She looked at me, her eyes smoldering. I felt a bit intimidated; I felt like I was more nervous than she was. I had never seen this side of Bella before. She was wanton, passionate.
I liked it. If I could be with her like this every day for the rest of my life, I would die a happy man. I ran kisses up her legs, not missing a spot. I nudged her knees farther apart with my kisses, as I ran my hands up her legs stopping at the apex of her thighs. I hesitated a moment before sliding one finger inside her. I couldn’t control the moan that escaped. She was so wet… and tight.
Dear God was she tight. Bella lay with her eyes closed and her muscles tensed. I lay down beside her, caressing her face with my free hand. “Bella, baby, open your eyes.”
I wanted her to see the intense passion in my eyes, along with the assurance that I would not hurt her any more than absolutely necessary. But there was no way this would not be excruciating for her if she was completely unprepared, and tight like this. She looked up at me and her face winced slightly as I pressed another finger inside her, stretching her walls a little more. As I moved my fingers within her, she tilted her head back; enticing me to kiss her.
She never has to ask me twice. Her lips were so full and soft, and felt so incredible against mine, I never wanted to stop.
“Please Edward. I want you,” she almost hissed with desire against my lips, and that’s when it really hit me full force. I was about to make love to my other half… my soul mate, and I knew this was going to hurt her. Though I had only ever been with one virgin, as I firmly believed that no girl’s virginity should be taken from her in a one night stand; I knew this was going to be different. I hadn’t been as concerned with Tanya. I mean, I’m not a total dick, I did care that it hurt her. But this was Bella…
my Bella. It was like I was holding my whole life in my arms, so afraid of shattering it. I never wanted to be the cause of her pain; what hurt her, hurt me. She was a part of me. So I would be there for her and tell her in every kiss that I loved her. That this…us…was worth it
I removed my intimate touch from her and gently rolled onto her, never taking my eyes off hers. Our hands laced together like two puzzle pieces made to fit together; she would need something to hold onto and she shouldn’t have to bear this pain alone. I was willing to share everything with her; the good and the bad, the pleasure and the pain. I pressed my lips against hers lovingly as I began to ease myself inside her.
As her breath suddenly halted in her throat, I felt guilty for the groan that I kept buried in my chest; I couldn’t justify feeling good when she was visibly in so much pain. Her fingers tightened more and more on my hands the further I moved into her. And I felt a part of my heart crumble as I saw a tear escape her eye. I felt her lips press hard against my shoulder as I kissed the tear away, wishing her pain could be that simple to will away, as I broke through her barrier. I heard the painful squeal in her throat that would have certainly been a scream if my shoulder hadn’t muffled it. I tried soothing her, whispering softly to her and kissing her cheek; not moving an inch as I waited for the cue from her that the pain had eased. Which even as her head fell back into my pillow, her soft cries were telling me that it wasn’t now. “Edward?
I heard her pained voice and I lifted my head to look at her. I wasn’t going to force more on her than she could bear. Even though it was too late to turn back, I would end this right now if she asked me to. Anything to make her feel good again. “Do you want me to stop?”
Her tears continued to trail down her cheeks, but she shook her head with the most affectionate look in her eyes. “No,” she replied, her voice so faint it was barely audible. She released my hands to bring hers up to me shoulders. “Kiss me.”
Such a simple request, and yet it spoke volumes. As much as this hurt her, she didn’t want this moment to end between us either. Her body was a little more relaxed, and becoming less tense by the second. “I promise I’ll make you feel good, Bella,” I promised as I lowered my lips to hers, feeling the slight trembling of them beneath me. But her arms came around me more securely and her kiss became more impassioned. She was ready, it was tolerable for her to be able to react this way. I knew if I kept things really slow at first, it would ease her into it.
When she let out her first soft moan, it sounded like a surprise from her. As if she thought the pain would never end and then when it did, it felt so contrastingly good. And it was in that moment that I allowed myself to relish in how good
I felt inside her, touching her and feeling her in a way no other man had, and no other man would if I could help it. The skin to skin contact, without the separation of a condom, was something no other girl had ever felt. And I only took that chance with her because I knew nothing could harm her. The physical had deemed me drug and disease free, otherwise the proceedings would have been halted. And this wouldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t be experiencing this heaven I was in, the intimate bond between me and the one person in this world I cherished above all others.
My hands roamed her body as my movements began, and ran down her leg to hitch it up over my hip, angling her hips to just the right position for me to hit the spot that would throw her into ecstasy. I knew most women didn’t cum their first time, but she would.
My Bella would. I looked into her eyes and watched as the first few waves of pleasure ran through her, and it was a beautiful sight. And once I began deepening my thrusts gently against that place deep inside her, her entire body arched against me and my lips moved to her neck, hearing her soft whimpers. I could feel her building up as she began to move her hips against mine in perfect rhythm.
She was so warm and tight around me, that even with my shower, I was still building up fast, and our bodies began to glide together fluidly with the sheen of sweat coating our skin. “Bella baby,” I moaned in a low grumble deep in my chest, feeling her muscles tighten as her climax was building, causing my body to react more rapidly in kind. “Edward. I want to feel you,” she whispered huskily in my ear, her hand moving up to clench my hair. “I want to feel you cum inside me.”
That was by far the hottest and sexiest thing I had ever heard from her lips, and it was enough to drive me right over the edge. “Oh fuck baby!” I almost growled from the intensity of the orgasm as crashed in on me, eclipsing every other Bellagasm I had experienced. And then a new shudder rushed through my body as she came, clenching her muscles around me as her lips met my shoulder again with a soft squeal.
“God Edward!” She breathed out heavily, as her body trembled and her leg clamped tighter around my hip; pushing me in deeper and her hips jerked against me one more time. But then both of our bodies relaxed and I turned my head toward her and lay on her shoulder. I could stay here forever, wrapped in the arms of this heavenly creature; feeling her hands run over my back and through my hair. Simply basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking.
I regretfully rolled off of her, but by no means had any intention of letting her go. I laid on my side and pulled her to face me, holding her hand between us as she brought the other one to cover it. I wanted her to stay this close to me; I had never felt so complete in my life. As if this was my reason for being here, to make Bella happy. I brushed my lips gently over each of her hands. She needed to know; I needed to tell her. “Bella, I…”
But she shook her head, looking at me with a smile. “Shhh… you don’t have to say anything. I know.”
As she kissed me so lovingly, I knew that everything would be alright between us. That I would never lose my Bella. She knew that I loved her; I had obviously convinced her more than any words could. I let my head rest down on the pillow, closing my eyes and smiling. I truly don’t think I had ever been so happy in my life. Falling asleep beside the woman I love, feeling her snuggle closer to me; as if she couldn’t get close enough.
THE END
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